Get Real

A line told many times in life....from another or to oneself. Strikes for a moment and the hope for magic replaces it after the mood swings back, to strike us again when we least expect it.
The fun though is in the growing up with it each time. Getting a little more Real each time. Surprising oneself with how much more grounded you can get everytime with every experience. There is no perfection and we know it. Yet we tend to forget the balance between the great and the not-so-great things that happen to us. There will always be one. Sometimes we tend to notice the bad 'cos, well they are pretty noticeable. Human. To want to crib. To want to shove blame elsewhere....
At the end of the day, human life as we know it disappoints more than it overcomes you with its soaring to heights feeling. The roller coaster has to do what it has to do and finally crash land. The key is then to make the most of everything ...or not...and that is a choice. Whatever the choice, the roller coaster life is a ride and not as real as it portrays itself to be. The bliss is elsewhere.....beyond the human existence...

c'est la vie

When we are faced with testing times, there are a lot of things we abuse the world for and questions we ask ourselves. When we earnestly ask and really want to know, we do get the right answers. It could be a message at the back of a car "Jesus loves you, ask and he shall give" (Pls Note - Not advocating 'born-again-anything-religious'), it could come as a word of wisdom from someone you hardly expect to be wise, a book left on the table of a waiting room with some insight, a negative behaviour from someone you put on a pedestal even....a whole lot of messages. One only needs to be aware and open.  

Why this ranting? I have practiced Yogasanas intermittently from childhood....I dont say Yoga, I say asanas. And thats all I have done....and maybe some pranayama and meditation. The recent teacher's training course I joined would also have been just another yogasana exercise, except that I was in the right phase of life to appreciate what it really meant to lead a Yogic way of life. I had been asking all these questions and personally the answers here seem most satisfying. I felt elated that the Yoga is THE answer and jumped into it headlong, only to have huge limitations and blocks imposed on me to practice it in its entirety and the testing times only getting worse. The more I think I want to work on some obstacle, cirscumstances change to test me with the biggest of them all, as if mocking me to rethink if I really am capable of it. The need for attachments being the most difficult of them all. Attachments to things, food, habits, behavior, desires, pets, acheivements, and of course the biggest of them all...People. Attachments lead to expectations which lead to disappointment, the obvious cycle. Even without expectations, they can cost you a lot of emotion.

It isnt that easy to appreciate the principles of Karma and Dharma when faced with situations where you need to be detached-yet-attached in the temporary worldly way for as long as your soul inhabits the human body. As always it is easier to intellectualise than to practice. But my path is set and there is progress and a lot of Peace that comes with it and that Quality of Peace is...to say the least, ADDICTIVE!

Stepping off the philosophy halo effect (if the reader is still reading!), we all ask at some point - why me? Anything isnt really that big a deal if you detach yourself from it. We are just slaves of our thinking and the mind plays dangerous games. Some may want to move away from it, or some may want to revel in it. Its a CHOICE and that choice is entirely in our hands...no amount of harping on Destiny takes that Choice away.

There are different paths to feeling the Peace.....the yogic path is one of them...a path that has worked for me and a whole lot of others apparently. It then becomes my duty to share it with whoever needs it (just have to find a less boring-sounding way :-)).

Logos, Mythos & Ekstasis

Was reading the intro bit of the book The Case for God at a cafe at lunch and got carried into the self introspection of what religion is personally in the modern world context and what God means! Couldnt go beyond the first few pages, but left me thinking enough to write this note...

Logos for logic in Greek is how I primarily remember being till recently, requiring a scientific and logical explanation for everything and not convinced otherwise. Served (still does) me really well for the best part of life, except when I couldnt figure out how some things simply dont add up. Despite being very thankful for a keenly analytical mind, there have been times I remembered going for the overkill with analysis, destorying precious moments of joy.....especially joy. And somehow despite it all the Mythos (Mythical) way of looking at life that seems to have crept in unknown. The route - my Art. Always been a part of life, in the background, grounding me, adding a touch of faith when things seemed murky and unfathomable. A creative way of problem solving rather than a logical one. Something that worked beyond the 'limits of logic'. Classical music and dance are quite structured and at the surface they dont seem to let the free flow without having a process or rules around them. BUT! When one revels in them, and keeps practicing the joy and immense emotion they bring is the ekstasis. Indescribable by any argument of logos. As my Guru handed me the ghungroos and said, this will come to your rescue when things are down, I wanted to tell her, they already had!

As a budding teacher I learn something new about my dance and myself every moment even while teaching the same things over and over again. I astonish myself at how much my students seem to enjoy themselves, and not necessarily always for the dance but just to be in this positive environment we have all come together to create! When they remember me with such great fondness and undiluted love, wherever they are, it warms me so much and there is absolutely no logical explanation for that. When I remember that if I had tried to envisage an event scale that happened on Dec 3rd 2011 within the limits of logic and practicality, I would have given up on day one! It was the thinking beyond logic that brought together like minded people to selflessly participate and made it possible to execute....of course logically.

The universe conspires.....and THAT is GOD!

I am slowly learning not to question everything, especially the good things and to believe that the 'coincidences' arent the exceptions of logic but they are there because you asked for them. Maybe fervently asked for them at some point and forgot about it since the logical mind didnt expect them to happen. And that they do not need to be scrutinised and dissected and analysed just because some past experiences have shown you how trusting your faith in yourself or other people has let you down.

But this learning is with a fear, hopefully a healthy fear and it takes practice to have complete faith and it is a process. Like repeating the single foot chakkars until the skin peeled off from the foot and the new smooth one replaced it to show off the ease of the chakkars later. The faith was for the words of a Guru who promised to trust her that the new smooth skin will work wonders. This practice, this honing of the mind and the heart, as the book seems to suggest, is Religion.....and the way it was supposed to be done are the rituals, to reach out to a state of that defies logical explanation and boundaries.

The unrelenting faith and the hope which guide me is the GOD!

When the stakes are not high in terms of money or other attachments in the final leg of life's journey, and when you and I are just here to do our karma which is to be happy without hurting ourselves or other beings, nothing really matters. Karmanne vaadhikaraste......

The roads taken a long time ago... and then the new ones...

Some are closed, some are dug up, some look terribly new and unrecognisable, some ask me where I was all these years and invite me back with open arms, on some I fall and get up and sooo wanna get back into action despite the hurt and the pain... and there is never doubt I that will...

Mostly its the freedom of discovery of the roads, the joy and the excitement that keep me going! The people I meet on the way, the bonds I build, the changes I undergo, the person I evolve into continuously...

There is the unknown, the unexplored, the mystery, the uncertainty, but no fear...never....I realise as I feel the freedom of sometimes zipping, sometimes cruising along these roads. The is never a feeling of being lost. I always find a way out...some by myself, some 'cos of the good Samaritans that just pop up out of nowhere.

The power of Faith ...for some it is somewhere up there, for me mostly, its in my tangibles, in my actions, in my karma, in my art, in the human resilience... in myself!

I started writing this as a 'newly acquired 2-wheeler' journey in the literal sense and found the different dimensions along... got me philosophical and serious.... mostly after having looked at the footage tragedies in Japan... wish to share my 2 cents worth strength and prayers with them....

cycle of the wait...

Sometimes we never learn. We get hit, run over, stamped and what not, but we never learn. A sweet helpless pout, remorseful words, a tear or two, and the heart melts with forgiveness!! Again and again for years together.... symbolisms are hardly ever followed up with actions and then we go again.... wearing the sign - "I am easy, come take me for granted"!

All that's left behind the symbols and words - sleepless nights and days of waiting....and waiting....and waiting...

Mumbai, Pune Diaries....

MUMBAIIII - Jan 5th to Jan 9th 2011:

Some quick first impressions of the big bad city of chaos...

- The taxi driver gives me change of Rs. 3/- on a fare of Rs. 127/- exactly shown on the meter. My eyes popped out!!! This after he realised I had no clue about were I was going (athough I tried to pretend) and had instantly become my tour guide, telling me about all the buildings and areas! I actually felt guilty telling him to keep the change...lest I bring bad habits from Bengaluru!

- The local train!!! I so loved it...sorely missed in namma Bengaluru! Must admit though that u need to ask to figure out things, lest one assumes Singapore type direction maps and all....

- Oooooh the beaches! Be it a late night chat...read 2 a.m...on marine drive/queen's necklace/lover's nest/Subhash Chandra Bose Road with a friend...or the crazy marketeers of chaat on Juhu.....I can stare at the water for hours! But really have some mercy...the Girgaon chowpaty is in the dumps literally! It's plastic and garbage strewn all over! And to think I worried that the shoes I had worn instead of chappals would'nt let me feel the water on my toes!!!

- Another word about the local transport...when I ask the auto driver 'Santa Cruz?' he just stares back blankly...while I wait for his highness to approve of my destination. Talk about getting in bad habits....arrre he cudnt care less where I am going...get in already! Took me a while to stop asking them hesitantly, while I pray they agree to come. After 4 days of this, gonna be hard to stop myself from walking straight into an auto confidently!

- The Mumbai Darshan.... a dinchak bollywoodish tour wasnt something up my alley.. what with co-passengers staring at the single 'Indian' female. I wondered..."In Mumbai??" oh yeah...sorry...Mumbaikars arent doing the Mumbai Darshan! ANyway....its cheap...I mean money-wise and surely value for money. My jeevan is saarthak after having made darshan of bungalows of Lata Mangeshkar, Ambanis, Amitabh, Salman, Rekha, Rajesh Khanna...rest I forget...of course 'Mannat'! haha! I dont have to do my Kashi Yatra now! But Hey! I did quite like the Nehru Science center with kids running all over and the fantastic show at the planetarium.

- Living in the Colaba area felt just like that..."Living"!! Walking around the heritage buildings at any time of the day or night, the Taj and Gateway neighborhood pondering on life and its temporariness, makes you want to LIVE IT UP!

- The weekend shows at NCPA - Dr. L Subramaniam's magic and explorations of Lady Macbeth using classical dance, NGMA, Jehangir Art Gallery, Prince of wales Museum, Prithvi's ambience - made me feel like I was combining work with pleasure and what pleasure it was to work!!

PUNE - Dec 28th to Jan 5th:

- Relaxed setting, Bangalore like weather, therapeutic cooking sessions and felt much like home, for all the vegetating that I needed....not to mention the mind space required to make some big decisions in life!

- Koregoan park, Camp, MG Road, Kalyani Nagar, Magarpatta...explored as much as possible with the 'transport' available....even managed an art of living bhajan on new year's day. And very thankful for the transport :-)

- The drive upto Sinhagad was torturous on a Sunday with the whole crowd going up there to create a traffic jam. Managing a U turn and getting back after covering 3/4th uphill was quite the task! Parbati was the alternate destination and was well worth spending the evening of my day of birth so many years ago, contemplating achievements and failures on a hilltop mandir.

Love can be damned..respect is paramount!

Read on an agony aunt column answered by Pooja Bedi....
The agony is of a woman who is in a relationship with someone who claims he will love her all his life, but wont marry cos his folks wont agree...however he will marry someone else.
So Ms. Bedi says to the effect - It is clear he wants u to be a side dish.....it depends on wht u want n life..... if I were u, I'd walk out in a jiffy. "love can be damned, respect is paramount".

When I read it the first time around..I said wow Ms. Bedi....way to go...u hit the nail on its head! But there was something nagging about that statement....wasnt respect a part of love??? When did they become mutually exclusive? Does one really love someone and treat him/her without respect? And does one who puts up with lack of respect in a relationship labeled 'warm and loving' respect oneself? Or was it lust she was talking about then?......

At the cost of sounding old..

I savour the days when the hotspots of Bengaluru (what we knew as Bangalore) were - All Saints/Fatima stores (to buy imported bread stuff and chocos and dates), Indiana or La Casa (to hangout with buddies cos they were the most happening cool places), Pavitra hotel at Jayanagar (To go for sumptuous meals with family which offered 'North Indian' khana), the few fruit chaats and other street chaats on the streets or the special treats in sukh sagar (cos our immunity was really high and the taste was perfect), the 2 or 3 small jewelry stores mom would drag me to (cos they knew her tastes so well and designed jewelry which took a long time to get made and she'd wait patiently, after all it took a long time to even plan it), the rare KSIC or one other place where sarees shopping would be a well thought out affair, the English teleserials and different language movies on Doordarshan late nights, and so on the list goes.....

Loved the waiting, the longing, the novelty, the savouring, feeling special and remember it all with a tad bit nostalgia... especially in the post liberalisation era, where there we are so spoilt for choice and and there's so much to do on even 2-day weekends, when even I (forget the newer generation) dont think things get done fast enough.

I miss them days and I miss myself from that age when I feel the stress of daily life....