sense and sensitivities

"You were just a bad example while I was growing up" hit me like a ton of bricks! Couldnt respond...tried to crack a joke about it and completely put it out of my mind....and succeeded. But the words kept coming back...over and over again. I kicked myself...why did I not respond with a 'putting people in place' statement that I am so well known for??!!! perhaps it was the childhood complex surfacing all over again...became totally blank and felt lowly and inferior? maybe...is it that I still have'nt gotten over those childhood comparisons of "your younger cousin is fair (as in complexion)...u r dark", "ur younger cousin is a brilliant student and u r an average", "your younger cousin got a campus placement, with a $%^&* starting sal and you are still attending vague job fairs"...?

I tried to analyse why the statement was made...after all these years of growing up into 'responsible adults'.....was it the time I tried to take her to a movie or introduce her to Jane Austen, to get a life when all she knew was her text books, or the time I spent all time watching cable TV and not 'scoring' instead, or the time when I showed her my movie stars book of pictures I had cut out of magazines when I was 11, or was it everything...wrath incurred just by being myself? Must have been all of those...and am glad she realised it early in life and didnt follow my 'example'...god forbid then, she would have ended up like me!! Now that's blashphemy isnt it??!! outcast...out of the caste, lesser in value in terms of status or moneys, living life on one's own terms....now who wants to be all that! It is easier to confirm and do the 'right' thing! Let's just be politically correct and say 'to each his own'.

well at the end of this monologue...all I can conclude is that I am still a coward and use the internet to be spiteful and I am ungrateful for all the hospitality I receive and I can be a really mean b**** when I want to...on the internet that is! And people like me who pretend to 'not care' still carry around some baggages of long ago years and some things strangely remain raw and sometimes it hurts!
But nothing changes the fact that it takes all kinds of experiences to make you the person you are and I guess I am quite comfortable with the person I turned out to be....bad example or not!