Cricket and some feminism!

Well...this is a post that I have really been avoiding. Another kb of space dedicated to this??? But now I am forced to pen this small bit down...
India's debacle in world cup 2007 has invited the wrath, criticism, angst, sympathy even from all quarters...and then there are some of us who prefer to remain indifferent...utmost get irritated by the constant attention this debacle has been getting. Come to think of it, I don't think the analysis and publicity would have made it to so much of first page/headline news(usurping Vishwanathan Anand's moment of world #1 glory) had they actually brought home the cup!!!

So there I was this Sunday reading the times of India's glossy sheets trying to avoid anything that my brain would google upon as crick..but unknowingly ended up reading this hilarious piece by Suhel Seth (the happy bachelor as he calls himself)...where he is really livid with the 11 jokers for spoiling the month long lazy existence of the Indian Man! How the Man will have to now put up with the nagging from his wife or MIL and how he cannot rot in front of the TV eating/drinking and living in his own world and how he is going to be missing the much awaited male bonding...etc etc. Mr. Seth the male equivalent of the feminist made me see the lighter side of it all and I have never read a funny feminist before who could drive home her point while providing so much entertainment! I now keep an open mind while reading cricket news for I might chance upon a Suhel Seth like piece....

On the other hand (this has nothing to do with cricket, just something the feminist in me wants to express;))...in the same main sheet of the paper Mr. Shashi Tharoor writes an apology article for last week's debacle piece which criticised the Indian woman's neglect of the sari!! Apparently the author has received a whole lot of brickbats (which he calls "feedback") and writes a full article of the same damned length which is actually a stupid apology! c'mon buddy, he knew it was coming...especially since he went pointing fingers in his all western business suit...and mind you I did read that bit about how someone ridiculed him for wearing a kurta pyjama to an international meeting and so was forced to "follow" the dress code....for someone so worried about the sari culture going to the dogs, stand up and fight for your country's kurta/khadi culture!! My dad has been to many international conferences and dosent give a damn about any criticism flaunting his bandhgalas and khadi kurtas while shunning the "soot"...not that he's bothered about Indian clothes and all that...he is just not into dressing up for someone else and I have seen his international colleagues respect him for that! So that's where I stand...I am not into dressing up for someone else...Indian culture or not! I wear what I want to wear and sometimes it turns out to be a sari...no sweat! whaoh!! see? I said feminists cant be funny once they get going!!:D
Just wanted to conclude on a lighter note that today I read 2 very funny articles...one a truly admirable one from a masculinist!!?? and the other a silly and funny apology from a sexist!!!

Blog of the day?

Just saw the email from the guys at the 'blog of the day' thingy for Feb 05, 2007. Next went to my traffic update...and whoah! I had visitors from all the networks of the world....(psst - mostly for 0 seconds long visits;)) but whatever....Hey!!...maybe I should go ahead and add Google's adsense and make some moolah (read big bucks) for the next few days ;) On a more serious note this sure does feels encouraging to write more. If I had any hangups on my casual writing style...all's well now and life's good on the internet!!:)))

The fine line...

There is always talk of the fine line between 2 conflicting ideas....here is one more of my recent personal experiences:
Give a man a fish and you feed him for 1 day
Teach him fishing and you feed him for a lifetime...
Goes something like that.

I always believed that the 2nd line is true...always...without a doubt, even when I was the one seeking the 'fish'. But of late I have been witness to expectations that have nothing to do with teaching or learning, like all your rantings about teaching falls on deaf ears....it breaks one's heart to tell someone..."go work hard and learn life's lessons...don't expect me to give it to you on a platter", the situation 'appears' to be sad, tragic even and yet there is no effort visible to make life better by working on it, all the effort is concentrated on creating the sympathy. Almost reminds me of the traffic signal begging scenarios...like life's mission...like the right to beg is mine, the duty to give is yours...like a profession, so used to the art, have been doing this for so many years that there doesn't seem to be any self-respect, no ego left...."as long as I get it out of your sympathy I will keep at it, why do I even have to try anything else. You have always been giving, how dare you not give now?". But again, despite it all, how can one be hard hearted to turn away someone in need...do it this last time? will it ever be the last time?

anda arabi kadalorum...

Deja vu or pessimism?

Sometimes she has these niggling nagging thoughts....fears even....will it go smoothly?...not the general nervousness, but more sure ones, which don't happen always. She is told "its just pessimism creeping into your mind...if you expect it, it will happen...most definitely!". And yeah it does happen exactly how it crept into her mind.
Now it seems to be happening again...the order of events are just like what were expected at first but this time, she was extremely careful to drive out the pessimistic bogart out of her mind, but no...not helping...its just too hard when reality is hitting at her with all its energy...she would only be terribly foolish to believe that what first happened was not the deja vu after all!

The good samaritan in bad traffic

What happens when you go blank..nod off while driving and hit the accelerator instead of the breaks? well...a lot of horrible things, but in Bangalore's mad traffic, you would never have the guy whose jeep you banged into walk over and ask you if you are alright! I think the exact words were "Are you OK? Please tell me you are OK, don't worry about my jeep, your car looks bad though", "Do you want to pull over to the side and get some water to drink?", "will you be able to drive?"...wow! And all I could do was think .....OMG what damage have I done to my car? How much will I have to shell out? How much can I claim as insurance? or can I claim any? What about the jeep's damages? through all this I did manage to tell him, that I'll pull over to the side and see what to do. I have no clue what he was planning to do, but after starting I just drive back home in a daze trying to make out if the strong stench is due to the condenser leakage or something...wondering if my car will go up in flames anytime soon (paranoia straight from the Hollywood flicks). I did not even so much look to see what happened of that fine gentleman and his jeep or where he was.

After so long that it took me to get over the incident, and getting back to driving without the phobia thanks to the encouragement from my family and all the prayers and good omens and the insurance and everything, I think back at the incident and remember in awe, this Samaritan. Someone who I actually didn't thank! Probably will never be able to personally, but not a gesture I will forget that easily in the mad traffic of Bangalore, the amazing amount of selflessness he exhibited to a total stranger who actually probably damaged his property.....talk about Gandhigiri! And that too from someone of a different country....a westerner!

The Spotlight!

Its a crazy situation, especially for someone who likes to blend into the background (most of the times atleast). Questions were surely expected..."what did you do to be chosen as the so called 'brand ambassador', out of all the 2000 people?". The same question I ask myself...really "what DID I do?" Was it just a realllly random pick or was there something to the selection criteria, like 'my people' put it, or like the photographers from Chicago - "You must have done SOMEthing!". But of course, no real reasons are forthcoming, and needless to say I would have to live with being the pick of a lucky dip.

One of my friends says, I should take this up some more - and she did mean it well...but I'm thinking...Modelling!? What the...!!! Was definitely the wierdest feeling in front of that camera with instructions being ranted out - look at the crack at the door, speak to me, use your hands, eyes on camera-nose pointed to my wrist-nose on camera-eyes pointed to my wrist, pull down ur shirt to clean up your creases, turn ur head 26degrees, stand on the yellow spot, dont hunch, smile-show ur teeth-uh oh! not so much teeth...........hmph!!!! The only interesting part of the episode was being around international-award-winning (and good looking I might add;)) photographers and talking to them about their craft!
Not to forget having been paranoid due to a new zit that wouldnt go away and the sudden realisation that I dont have 'clothes'!!!! and the paunchy belly and the inability to get an appointment at the beauty salon before the shoot and the complete vanity of it all! So my heart goes out to Ash & co. who put up with this thing day in n out, adorn wall papers and talk about hair color or beautiful skin while trying hard to hush up the botox or whatever else that works hard to paralyse muscles and conceal the story each wrinkle and grey hair has to say. Its really scary what preoccupation with one's image can do to one's image and I just got a taste of that fear!

Having said all that, one does secretly enjoy the results;) Being made a landmark on the map is not something that happens everyday, whatever that map might be for....My ego just got a lovely ayurvedic massage!

But at the end of the day....like I always know...'everything is maya', leave me to my quiet corner with my PC or my book and my dirty jeans and Tee back to my reality and I will respond to your compliment with a humble thanks....

Everything happens for.....

for a reason?
arent we just making a reason out of everything that everything happens for?

for good?
by whose standards?
good for who?
does it really matter as long as it is for mine?


isnt it all a matter of choice finally?
a choice of how I choose to look at it....
and dont I choose to look at it differently each time?
sometimes with kindness and consideration for the other
sometimes with kindness and consideration for the self!

REFUSE!!

I refuuuuusssse to get bogged down by the turn of events....
however big! or small!!!
like the dirty plastic that blobs irritatingly over a wave of a polluted beach!!!!!!!

Freedom?

Swami Vivekananda said "Total Freedom is when nothing affects you"

I have almost learnt not to get affected by the ups and downs of life and yeah I do feel free...but must admit that it also makes me feel somewhat detached...so have I crossed the line from not getting affected to not feeling, not experiencing at all?

Most times I just sail thru events of importance as if they were mundane occurrences.....so must I start singing 'I just wanna feel...'

memoirs of a reluctant kitchenperson...

Ever Notice how at family get togethers the womenfolk huddle up in the kitchen performing the A to Zs and the menfolk huddle together in front of the TV or discuss politics until say mealtime....? Been witness to this from the childhood days, but never been too affected by it all...only the married woman status brings in a whole new paradigm to the whole affair.
Not that I personally slog it out, most often manage to get away from both the huddles...but yeah the guilt and the conditioning and the spoken/unspoken expectations! what to do with them!?? They do sometimes translate into a little slogging themselves, while hating every minute, especially since talents are really rusty in that department!
20 yrs ago, it didnt seem so wierd simply 'cos the roles were very well defined and the people seemed comfortable with what they had to acheive...claim to fame being how well the womenfolk feed their men....but cut to the current scenario, things simply dont fall into place. The superwoman is here...thrust into the role, whether she likes it or not....most of them being equal breadwinners (the breadwinning part being equally important i.e), have to cook, feed, serve, clean up and then probably contemplate eating the leftovers while starting preparations for the next meal. And not talking about the hum apke hain kaun type families with 15 kaamwaales to clean up, talking about very middle class scenarios with no servants. So when families decide to take breaks from their routine worklife (double holiday, since both of them work now!), they get together and perform these therapuatic miracles to feel refreshed...of course one party does feel refreshed....not to be disputed! Also noticed how the progressive husbands/boys too fall prey to the peer pressure and dont overstep the age old boundaries laid out.
No volunteers from the men's section is accompanied by no asking from the female section as well. It is another matter that claims are made all over, that if the men do try to help the women shoo them away! well, not sure if one section dosent try too hard or the other section is so used to shooing away that they do it without a second thought. All speculations...
At the end of it all...one can only keep counting till 10 or 20 or whatever and steel oneself to put up with it only for a few days....and feel fortunate while thinking of the various people all around who slog it out this way all their lives!

Patheticity

At times one gets so pathetic...
ego hassles, need for reassurance, need for attention, need for visibility......all maturity goes out of the window!
mostly its really silly...and only gets sillier... heck!!! its always for the small inconsequential things
wallowing in the slush and yucky muck of self pity.....whats it about humans and attention!?? and one wants attention from where its going to be unavailable....unreasonable!
and looking back, want to go back...be more respectable...but the moment's gone and the bad taste still lingers on and nothing can be done...

where rainbows follow u around...

Napa valley California...the abode of scenic delights and "bottled poetry" a.k.a wine!!!!

Alternating between sun and rain we got the best of both views...the very reason we saw rainbows everywhere and couldnt stop clicking! We saw not 1 but 3 different rainbows and the entire 180 degrees views!!!!
But civilisation manifesting itself in the form of electric lines and poles is something the camera lens simply cannot ignore...! A picture unfortunately cannot capture or invoke the same gamut of emotions that the lens of the naked eye does, which technology has not come close to simulating yet....but yes, can remind u of how u felt:)
This pic above is the real, un-photoshopped, uncropped, raw version just as it was clicked and just need to multiply its beauty a few times for how it looked!

Some wine tasting of, I think it was called Sanguine something at Oakville (oak, bitter sweet chocolate, fruit,...lost track) left me with the oaky, 'thovarpu' taste in my mouth! Felt like an anpadh ghawar trying to understand the supposed differences between chardonnay, poit noir, and something blah blah (or rather bleuah bleuah..;))...and their characteristic flavours...for all my...' i like wine' talks...must admit that this got too technical and painfully elitist for me 'common woman'! thank goodness, didnt take the vineyards tour on wine processing processes (at the cost of sounding like a wet blanket here!) what's google for..can get a virtual tour, worst case!:)

MMMmmmm...and the dipping oils and the dipping sauce, now lets talk about the taste buds going on a riot! olive oil n balsamic vinegar n herbs etc etc...exclusive stuff! So armed with this, am going on to re-create the Californian Italy back at namma Bengalooru!

Inadequacy...Envy...Greed...

I sometimes think I am above these petty emotions...but they crop up for the most silliest reasons and leave me feeling terribly petty!

Inadequacy.....I just cant get myself to say...'so what if I can't yet drive a car in the US...big deal!' Well, it is such a normal thing to do here, an I hate not being able to do atleast the normal stuff...forget ditching an MS course (which I dont consider normal anyways)!
Have been told it is normal to feel uncertain at first but I realise that u need to relate to the vehicle, need to visualise myself enjoying the drive, which does not seem to be there for 4 wheelers, especially when I catch myself looking longingly at a sexy Harley-Davidson and imagining me on it...YES riding it, not on the pillion!! I know that it'll take me only seconds to start a motorbike for the first time and zoom off....no sweat! Will I ever be able to get my enticer back home or is it just a stupid impractical dream....

Envy...when u hear of people carrying on very happily without u, be it at work or at home or elsewhere, a small pang of envy spreads its icy fangs slowly and lingers on. Strange! since u wanted things to go on smoothly without u in the first place!

Greed...well thats when u want to have it all! Want everything, should have the cake and eat it too and also want an icecream after that, and yeah of course a drink! Just can't stand missing out on the important stuff while I am away....as though time halts for the rest of the world, just so that I dont miss out!

time out..will visit the other deadly sins later...

who is calling...

this strange pull
these undefined feelings
full of contradictions
the song of my land triggers an outburst
like the fizz gushes out from the bottle of champagne
unexpected...unwarranted...
...champagne is great stuff n all, but I still like to fall to the floor!
[ok that was a pathetic analogy...but so apt!]

Yosemite....The reason is finally clear!

There is a reason for everything...I have been out to snowy countries thrice and once to the Himalayan foothills never seen the white magic ever! Italy was a bad miss...it snowed the day after I left!!Then I see snow in all its magnificence at the Yosemite national park - California!! And add to it the waterfalls and the green and the red leaves and the blue skies and the rocks and hills...what do you have? a few picture postcard calenders...except that this time I got greedy and included myself in all the picture postcards...'patel snaps' as they call it;)

So like they said so truly 'everything happens for a reason' and this time the reason that I missed all the snow so narrowly elsewhere was to get the most spectacular view with greater company to boot! And I believe in the most narcissistic way that nature conspired to bring this to me:)))
Anything more I say about this place will dilute its essence!

Big Sur and San Fransisco!

Day 1: 25th march '06 The Big Sur drive on the picturesque pacific coast...greeeeeeen hills on one side and the ocean on the other! With extremely, interestingly great and long chats with friends on all ranges of topics. Took pictures while stopping on all the 'vista' points with a brave attempt to set a foot into the brrrrrrr coooold waters of the Pacific...mannn the cold seeped through to the tip of my head, that too when the sun was high up!!!! Some shopping for electronic equipment for survival here and of course food....!!! how could I miss that....yummy karnataka meals at Dasprakash, a tall, latte, blah and blah...coffee:) at Starbucks, masala idli and masala chai at Woodlands served by chetta:) And of course a peek into their 'town house' basically a triplex;) which is yet to be explored. Special mention - the warmth and comfort and ease which you can feel only with old friends who are so easy to talk to:)

Day2: 26the March '06 San Fransisco here we come!! After a heavy breakfast at the hotel buffet with the cousins...a power nap while on the drive reached the Golden Gate...hmmm this is where the angel-whitelighters meet up in 'Charmed'!!:) After the 'been there, done that' snaps moved on to the fun clicking. The vision of the guy who built this is simply amazing - he put in a 6 lane bridge in the early 1900s when SF had only 250 cars!!!!! Deve Gowda and family should take a lesson or 2....Next was the Miur woods - the redwood trees hikes...after a bit of walking with non-walking, impractical footwear and not seeing any redwood trees, the sight of the trees when we actually got there was cathartic to say the least....could just feel the calm seeping in, the cold felt beautiful and the foot ache vanished! Moved to 'Crooked street' after lunch...well kudos to the Americans for making the best of a tiny opportunity to push something like this to a world famous tourist spot! The road slopes down (a few degrees more than the slope-iest Banashankari road) and these guys have just made it go zig zag and lo! you have the 'crooked street of the world'!! Headed next to the twin peaks with a beatiful view of the SF city and chilly winds...then to Fisherman' s Wharf towards dusk. There were sea lions crooning away...a full of activity coastal delight place. Alcatraz was there beckoning...hmmmm well next time maybe:) got amazing shots..the sky was beautiful...shopped a bit and went off to Ghirardelli the chocolate factory...ordered huge the sinful looking icecreams and the calorie count was climbing...soared! Wont ask people for ice cream for a while now :- 'Lets try a late night movie on imax' was the next item on their enthusiastic list! My eyes were closing of their own accord, but I said 'sure I am game!!'...greeeeeed! Found it impractical after a parking drama and headed back to silicon city! All I remember is waking up in front of my hotel.

sense and sensitivities

"You were just a bad example while I was growing up" hit me like a ton of bricks! Couldnt respond...tried to crack a joke about it and completely put it out of my mind....and succeeded. But the words kept coming back...over and over again. I kicked myself...why did I not respond with a 'putting people in place' statement that I am so well known for??!!! perhaps it was the childhood complex surfacing all over again...became totally blank and felt lowly and inferior? maybe...is it that I still have'nt gotten over those childhood comparisons of "your younger cousin is fair (as in complexion)...u r dark", "ur younger cousin is a brilliant student and u r an average", "your younger cousin got a campus placement, with a $%^&* starting sal and you are still attending vague job fairs"...?

I tried to analyse why the statement was made...after all these years of growing up into 'responsible adults'.....was it the time I tried to take her to a movie or introduce her to Jane Austen, to get a life when all she knew was her text books, or the time I spent all time watching cable TV and not 'scoring' instead, or the time when I showed her my movie stars book of pictures I had cut out of magazines when I was 11, or was it everything...wrath incurred just by being myself? Must have been all of those...and am glad she realised it early in life and didnt follow my 'example'...god forbid then, she would have ended up like me!! Now that's blashphemy isnt it??!! outcast...out of the caste, lesser in value in terms of status or moneys, living life on one's own terms....now who wants to be all that! It is easier to confirm and do the 'right' thing! Let's just be politically correct and say 'to each his own'.

well at the end of this monologue...all I can conclude is that I am still a coward and use the internet to be spiteful and I am ungrateful for all the hospitality I receive and I can be a really mean b**** when I want to...on the internet that is! And people like me who pretend to 'not care' still carry around some baggages of long ago years and some things strangely remain raw and sometimes it hurts!
But nothing changes the fact that it takes all kinds of experiences to make you the person you are and I guess I am quite comfortable with the person I turned out to be....bad example or not!

BLACKLISTED

I had to face a difficult situation sometime ago. A good friend of mine points to this other lady and says, "I don't understand how people like this can be happy", the voice was filled with disgust and loathing, or I don't know if I was imagining it. When I asked what caused that statement, I was told, "she has applied for divorce, she wants to get rid of him". I was shocked, not because this other girl had applied for divorce, but because this good friend of mine was being so...What's the word..Puritanical?Judgmental? I do not know.
A million thoughts and emotions raged through my mind and the first one was anger, again not at the girl who applied for divorce but at my friend, and probably me for listening to all this. It all came flooding back then, the comments about the going-to-be-divorced girl's clothing and the way she carried herself etc etc over the last few months. Then I tried to reason with her, "you never know what prompted her to do it, do you?", "I know quite a few divorcees, their stories are always sad, and really not one person's fault", "people who put up a brave front and look happy maybe the victims", "its sometimes considered better to part ways when the going is decent than to suffer and die a bitter person" and an added million other thoughts all trying to take center stage! Its not that my friend is the vile villain or I am this super sensitive good soul, it just has to do with perspectives and the amount of experiences or exposure one has. She is actually one of the most generous, forgiving people I know.
Well, none of my thoughts and words did get much bhaav and the topic got changed and I was left frustrated, since I wanted desperately to hear an acknowledgement of what I said and I wanted an understanding or atleast a willingness to keep open mind that there generally is more than meets the eye, that dressing in a way that's considered hip and happening does not necessarily mean that someone is 'fast and easy', or takes relationships very lightly or is promiscuous (not that any of this was ever said, but always gets implied...hanging in the air types) and even if that is so, what business does anybody have to question the way someone lives his/her life?, and putting on a brave/happy front need not imply anything! I had gotten myself so angry...I was seething!
I am truly hoping that the little of what I said will trigger off something....sometime. But again who am I to judge this friend, who am I to say she should keep an open mind. Maybe there's something in her experience that has her reacting this way,.......... and maybe I will also get blacklisted in these circles for what I was trying to say, and maybe that's not so bad after all....kinda used to that anyways....a lot of maybes. But I do believe that a debate and discussion and dialog however depressing and frustrating go a long way in change of attitude for a healthier more open atmosphere. On that thought I am not seething anymore:)

when destiny takes over...

ok! here is a word I very seldom use in my vocabulary...destiny/fate. Truly always believed that we are where we are, etc etc simply because of the choices we make at some point and our own efforts or the lack of it. But sometimes some things just happen! We dont put any effort, we dont draw them towards us (atleast not conciously), we make terrible stupid goofups which should actually make them work otherwise, and we also come to a point where we dont want things to happen and simply avoid anything to do with it. And they happen, and you feel the rug pulled from beneath your feet. You dont know if its for better or for worse.....And like our famous Murphy says, they will happen at the most inopportune moments...when you really really dont want them to or actually dont want them to ever happen! The best part is, you have to pretend that everything's normal and cool and get on with life....ok! I really dont know where I am going with this...just had to put this down.....